Thursday, 29 April 2010

A little update.

Hello my little friends,

I wanted to give you a little update on my weight. I usually don't weigh myself in the middle of the week but I needed to know if the weight was finally moving to stay motivated and here is how it's been going so far...

monday: 135.2 kg (+ 0.4 kg)
wednesday: 134.3 kg (-0.9 kg)
thursday: 133.9 kg (-0.4 kg)

so so far since monday a loss of 1.5 kg which is 3.3lbs yaaay! and i have a new low! I am not changing my ticker in case the weight goes up before official weigh in on monday. hopefully it will keep going down.

I would like to introduce you to a new future banded lady Kelly. She is living in Northern Ireland like me and I am her only follower so far. She is getting banded on 5th May in England and I am sure she could do with some support form the wonderful people in blogland.

I can't wait for the week end which will be very busy. I am not working this week end and there is a street theatre festival in Belfast that I love called the festival of Fools. My super fiance and I will be spending the day there and going to see a country music concert in the evening. Sunday will probably be a lazy day at home. Tomorrow night my (now officially) BFF (I will have to explain to you why it is now official in a post soon as it is very important to me) is coming over to make place cards for the wedding.

I will definetely try to get a vlog done soon. any suggestions on which sotware/website is the easiest to use for that?

I wish you all a great week end !

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Weigh in day : Joey said it it was the earth tilting east not the chocolate...


I had my weigh in on monday and I am up again to 135.2... I hate these scales they won't let me go under 135! for the last month I have been going up and down between 134.7 and 136.6...

I have started the diet the bariatric nurse gave me and I hope it will help this week. I decided I would weigh myself tomorrow as a mid week weigh in to see how things are going and stay motivated.

I still can't exercise but good news I am not using my crutches anymore. I have started taking the anti inflamatory tablets and it makes a massive difference. If it all goes well I will be back on the wii fit on the day of my second fill :10th may.

I still have no restriction so I hope the next fill helps as I find it extremely hard. Once you have reached restriction does it get a lot easier? does the weight go down faster? I have been feeling discouraged lately I find it hard to stay motivated. So I have asked my fiance to be strict with me and make sure I eat right during my meals and tell me off if I don't.

I need to try and do a Vlog again. Hopefully it will work fine this time and show you all the things I am preparing for the wedding.

I am off to bed now. Will keep you updated of my weight loss soon.

Friday, 23 April 2010


1. Name a career you would NOT want to do and tell why.

Anything involving the sex industry, I don't mind people doing whatever they want but it is against the principles I have for myself. And anything that involves blood, like a surgeon or something. I admire these people but I am so scared of blood...

2. What’s the best present you ever received for your birthday?

The best one was for my 18th birthday. My parents offered me a week of full time singing lessons. I have always loved to sing but I didnt have the confidence to do it. I then joined a stage school and it gave me a lot of confidence in myself to do it.

3. This is from Amy W. (I had a request to copy her question and ask it today in BYOC) (Hope that’s okay Amy!)

What do you hide behind?

I hide behind a confident looking character. If you ask most of my friends they would think I am very confident, I have absolutely no problems with being obese, but this is just what I want them to think. I would feel extremely vulnerable if they could see how I really feel inside. I only show teh real me to my closest friends when I am sur I can trust them.

4. Where were you born?

In Toulon in Provence in the south of France.

5. A little twist on this one..usually we ask – what blog spoke to you the most, stuck with you, had the most effect on you this week? This week I’m adding to that which comment may have affected you greatly? Sometimes a blog can lead to amazing comments and they deserve their own claim to fame here in this question.

I haven't caught up with all your blogs yet so will have to answer this one before.

Thursday, 22 April 2010


Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls...

I present to you the amazing Fabracadabra! The first magicien who makes kilos disappear with the help of her assistant, Sammy the magic band!

This is what I do in work because they removed our internet access... The way most people pronounce my name is english is Fabra. A friend in word started saying i should have a magic show and be called fabracadabra. That was the starting point of the whole project. At the beginning of the weekI decided to draw a picture of fabracadabra. I thought you might like to know about her existence.

I also forgot to tell you a major thing. I have been on crutches for 10 days because of a stress fracture to my heel. My heel had been so sore I was advised to go to the hospital and that's where i found out I had a stress fracture and plantar fascitiis.

I have to wear inserts in my shoes and I am not allowed to exercise for a month...

Have a good night everybody!

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Finally some news....

Hi Guys,

Finally some news. I am very busy lately but very productive.

I realised I didnt update you on my weigh in. I lost 1.5 kg (3.3lbs) last week !!! I was 0.1kg from my lowest but I am happy to have had a good loss.

Today I had my hair trial for the wedding. It will be neater on the day but here are the pictures let me know what you think.

I am so happy to have that sorted. We also registrered our marriage so it is now official we are getting married. We are now sorting the smaller details and I love it.

I also had my birthday present early and it is a sewing machine. I am going to make a waistcoat for our page boy. I love sewing and never had a machine of my own so I am really excited.

I promise you all to come back on your blogs very soon. You are so productive it is hard to keep up when you are busy.

Oh and special message for Nikki. The package arrived today but I was away so will have to collect it at the post office on saturday. This stupid UK government asked me to pay taxes to collect it. I don't understand but apparently the do that... It doesnt matter anyway I cant wait to receive it.

I wish you a good night I am going to sleep.


Sunday, 18 April 2010

Bad Blogger.

Hello my little friends,

I am so sorry I am away from blogland at the minute. I have been very busy with wedding preparations.

I have my weigh in tomorrow and I hope to have lost some of the weight I had put back on last week. After my first fill I have to say I don't really feel any difference. I feel a bit tighter when I overeat but I can still eat too much. I hope restriction will be there soon.

Here are all the the thins I have done for the wedding this week:

got my jewellery
got my shoes
tried my dress on and sent it to the dessmaker
made the favours
picked the church music and met the musicians
found james's shoes
got the disposabl cameras
got the guest book
sent all the invites
got my handbag
got my made of honour measured for her dress to be made
ordered post boxes

to come this week:

hair trial
paperwork in the civic centre

I am very excited about the wedding it is all coming together. I need to keep my motivation up for the wieght loss. I hope tomorrow's weigh in will be more positive and i will put me back on tracks.

I am vry sorry about not commenting that much on your blogs at the moment I don't hve a lot of time but I will try and catch up with everything this week.

Have a good week!!

Monday, 12 April 2010

Weigh in, first fill and thank yous

Hello Everybody,

This morning I had my weigh in like every monday morning. And the scales were evil like I feared. I was up 1.6 kilos... I was very disappointed with myself, My fiance gave me a big hug and said it would come down again and not to worry about it.

I decided today would be the day I would go back on tracks. Using the post fill liquid diet as a kick start.

I had my first fill. It was'nt sore. I was scared when I saw the size of the needle but it didn't hurt. She wanted to put 4 ccs in my 10 cc band but she felt some resistance and 0.5 ccs were coming out again so she preferred to put 3.5 ccs for this time. She is aiming for 2 ccs at the next fill on may 10th, but she said she would see how it goes by then.

I have had a slim fast shake, 1 litre of flavoured water so far. I will have some soup when I get home. I hope to lose what i put back on during the week.

I feel more positive today. It is a new start!

I would like to thank you for all your supportive comments on yesterday's blog. I feel liberated that I said it and had so much support. You are the best! I love you all! my non judgmental friends!

Have a good evening!

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Time to be brave and face my secrets.

This is a post I told Jen I would do after she shared her story on her blog, Drazil and Jen gave me the courage to talk about my secret and why I am overweight now.

It is very hard for me to type this blog as I will have to face facts I do not want to see in front of me. I should see them and I think to be able to lose this weight I need to face them.

I don't know where to start because it is a complicated story but I think I will write it in the chronological order it happened to me.

When I was 13 I started to have night terrors. For those of you who don't know what night terrors are, they are very violent nightmares everynight. Many of them beng the same over and over again. I was already a bit overweight at the time but nothing major. I was so scared of falling asleep. I couldn't do anything to stop it. There was that dream everynight, in a car with 2 babies in their car seats at the back, they both looked like me and they are both crying. suddenly very brights lights and a crash. a few seconds after just one of the babies voices.
I have had that dream every single night for over a year until I decided to say it to my parents. They brought me to a child psychiatrist. I explained to him all my night symptoms. He said to me usually you see that when there has been a strong emotional shock. and with people with amnesia.

I started to feel like I wasnt complete, that there was a part of me missing, I was feeling lonely and even my friend and family could not fill that gap. I had no idea what would fill it so I started eating, every day more and more. I became bulimic, I would eat enormous amounts of food and make myself sick afterwards. One of my friends found out and told my parents.

The psychiatrist started working with me to stop this as well, and focused on me stopping making myself sick. but he didnt do anything for the eating part of the problem. At some stage we were going nowhere. so he asked if he could see my parents for one session to see if they could help, if they had any elements I didnt know about that could help me get better.

And finally they said it one day. I will never forget that day when the psychiatrist asked my mum to tell me something she had hidden for so many years. something that made me understand why I was hving that dream. why I wasnt feeling complete.

We had a car accident and I was injured quite badly, my mum too, a drunken man crashed in the side of our car and killed my twin sister. It suddenly made sense the other baby me in the dream wasnt me, it was her, I didnt even remember her. My mum explained that i suffered head injuries and I had no memories from before the accident. She explained that the doctors in the hospital told her that and she had to choose if she wanted to tell me about my sister or not. She was so hurt at the time she decided not to. And for years they lived like if she never existed.

I needed to know everything, I wanted an explanation, I was angry, but nothing. They wouldnt say a thing. They couldnt talk about it because it was hurting them too much. I felt devasted, broken, helpless, empty, sad... And I was hating them. For hiding this from me, for not helping me to get better, for pretending she never existed, for not wanting to talk to me about it. And the only thing that would calm me down was food.

For years I have researched everything I could, harrassed them to tell me about her. And finally turned to my granny who saw how distressed I was and made me promise not to tell my mum she had talked about it. She gave me pictures, her teddy bear, and told me about her. She brought me to her grave.

I have worked with a hypnose therapist to work on the memory I had lost and managed to remember a few things. Not much but still a few things, when I turned 20 I was not bulimic anymore. I did a lot of emotional eating but it was not considered as bulimia anymore. I put on the rest of the weight by yoyo dieting.

I am not fine with all this story yet, I still have difficulties understanding why thing happened this way, I still have to control how angry I am with my parents about it. I still have too many questions that are not answered and I still don't feel complete. I probably never will. therapist told me to learn to live with it instead of trying to make myself complete with a substitude but it is easier said than done...

I feel naked now that I have written my biggest secret down . I am scared of being judge, but I needed to do it. I don't have the courage to read what I wrote again to check for typos and misspellings because if I do I will probably delete everything so I will take a deep breath and hit the publish post button now!

NSV's and first fill tomorrow , and dessert talk to answer Drazil

Hello my friends,

I have spent a few hours on friday trying to do a vlog for you but without success the image and the words wont match...

So I will write all the things I was saying to you in different posts.

On friday I had my weddin dress trial. I ordered my dress before the operation in january. At the time I was a size 26 (28 US size) so i ordered it one size smaller. For some reason although I knew it was going to fit I was so nervous and worried I wouldnt get into it. And the verdict is it is 2 sizes too big!!!

Fortunately I have a good dressmaker who fill do a fitting just one month before the wedding and finish the alterations the week before so the dress fits me then.

I also received my jewellery and finished my invites. I am making favours now. I was showing you everything when I did the vlog but be patient I will make another one showing you many different things.

Another Nsv, I can fit in 3 pair of trousers that were too small for me. And I had to give up several clothes because they are too big. Which means there will be clothes for theones interested to grab soon ( Bonnie I know you are so keep watching I will post pictures soon)

I have my first fill tomorrow and I am scared because I have been so bad with food. I will have definetely put on weight this week. I can't get back on track since the wake and Easter it is very annoying. I will have to watch what I eat this week as I will be back to liquids for 3 days then mushies for 3 days before being back to normal.

I am scared the scales will play an evil trick on me and say I have put on weight to my bariatric nurse. I will have to be honnest with her and tell her I went to the restaurant, had raclette, had chocolate, had chips...

I haven't been exercising properly either because my right heel is very sore. I will show the nurse tomorrow and see what she says. I am scared I have a stress fracture or something like that. When I am sat it is ok but when I walk it hurts a lot.

I hope the nurse wll give me a good fillthat will give me some kind of restriction tomorrow because at the moment I eat too much. I feel like I am always hungry.

We will see tomorrow how the weigh in goes and the first fill too. I will tell you all about it. I am doing a late shift in work but dont get a lot to do in the last 2 hours so will probably update you.

Now talking about dessert, Drazil asked what happened to our libido with weight loss. Well to me I can notice a massive difference. I had reached the point where I was feeling so bad about myself doing anything sexual was scaring me, I felt I didnt deserve it for some reason. And my fiance is great about making me feel prettier but it didnt work anymore because I was hating myself so much.
I havent changed that much yet but the kilos I lost are giving me a bit more confidence in myself. And I think it my fiance notices it because I never changed a thing but he is looking to have dessert a lot more. And I am fine with it. I am enjoying it when before I was just thinking i was not worthy of it.

I hope I didnt "shock" you Drazil, I tried to use a poetic way to describe things.

Monday, 5 April 2010

Weigh in day: How is this even possible?

This will probably be the last post for today,

So I weighed in this morning and I lost 0.6 kg. How is this even possible?

Last week I was very good and I exercised 5days/week and I lost 0.1 kg. This week I didnt exercise, I ate chocolate, cake, a lot of bad things, never had a proper meal, just ate things during the day, but I lost more weight...

As long as it goes down I will not try to understand... I am pleased with that. Just another week before my fill. I am looking forward to it as I really need restriction.

Have a good Easter Monday everybody.

BYOC edition 3. Even late I like to please Mama pimp

1. If you could be a Superhero - what would you be called or what would your powers be?

I am not sure what I would be called, but my super powers would be to control time with my magic remote control. I would also be able to play the appropriate music in the background for any kind of situations and teletransport myself so i wouldnt have to pay for plane tickets anymore.

2. Name one physical thing you love about you and one mental thing you love about you.

I love my hair, I am proud to be ginger :) I love that I am a very good friend, it is very rare now I think.

3. If you stood in front of God (or whatever Supreme Being you may believe in) - what question would you ask him?

I would ask where he sent my loved ones who passed away.

4. Besides yourself - who was/is your biggest enabler in your weight loss journey?

no one else

5. What do you do for a living (another reader request question)?

I work in a customer care call centre fo Cleawire Belgium (internet company) I also am a beauty therapist and do treatments from my home.

6. Whose blog hit home for you this week or whose blog made you think the most this week?

I am sorry I will have to pass this one for this week havent had time to read any blogs yet.

More Awards

Thank you girl Bandit for nominating me!

Here are the rules:

1. When you have received this award you must thank the person that awarded you the award in a new post.

2. Name 10 things that make you happy.

3. Pass this award on to 10 bloggers & inform them.

10 things that make me Happy

1.My fiance. I love him so much and he makes me feel so happy and beautiful
2.My family
3.My friends
4.All of you in Blogland supporting me in my journey
5.Seeing the scales go down
6.Making people happy
8.Finishing a project
9.going to see a musical at the theatre
10.being nice and warm on the couch in a blanket with the fire on when it is freezing outside, a cup of hot chocolate is usually welcome in this situation.

I have decided to nominate all the people that supported me in the last few days and made this hard times a bit better. I know there is more than 10 but I don't like to follow rules...

Bianca J.
The Dash
Sandy Lee
Girl Bandit
Bandit Blossum
Amy W.
Southern Belle

I love you all girls.

Stiletto Award


There are thousands of blogs, and there are hundreds of awards. The Stiletto Award is a little different than most!

First, to understand, let us understand the Stiletto… some words that describe it…
Classy – Strong -Exotic – Demure – Extreme – Ultra – Sexy - Bold – Funky

“Walking in extremely high heels is not something that the average woman (or man) will need to do in their everyday life.
However, there are times when this skill may be required.”

AND… what is a “blogger”? According to the official definition is:
Blogger: One who writes entries in, adds material to, or maintains a weblog However, I think there is a LOT more to it than that. My definition of a blogger…
Blogger: A strong, confident woman who has a full life. Because of the nature of her existence, she seeks connection and companionship with others who understand and wish to support her. She gains strength and courage from the experiences of these woman and shares her story in return. Through the “blog world” she develops relationships with women she would otherwise never meet and builds a community of cherished friends with whom she shares her life, experiences, challenges, failures, triumphs, goals, family and so much more! She IS Classy, Strong, Exotic, Demure, Extreme, Ultra, Sexy, Bold and Funky!

“To walk gracefully in high heels, take short steps, as opposed to long strides, and come down in a heel-toe, heel-toe motion.”

Hence, the Stiletto Award…For Excellence in Blogging!

I want to salute the women who balance life, family & relationships with style & class! Those women who share their experiences with us…who encourage us, inspire us, teach us, make us laugh and basically keep us going! You know who they are! While you read this blog, your family is looking at you wondering what the heck you are laughing about so hard…or why the tissue is necessary for internet browsing. It’s the one that the kids are excited about cuz a new post means a new craft project or family outing. The one that inspires you to be a better mom, friend, person in general. The one that reminds you that we are all “in this life together” and you’re not the only one going through the hard stuff. The one that you secretly wish your blog was like…

“It is good to get into the habit of doing the warm-up and cool-down exercises every time you wear them.”

If you’ve received this award, someone out there thinks you deserve it! Be proud! Display the badge with honor! You earned it…after all it means that you brought something special to at least one other person, and really, isn’t that what life’s all about????

“Under no circumstances drive a car with your heels on. Not only do you have less control over the car, but it will damage your shoes – and they aren’t cheap at this height. Keep spare shoes in the car for driving, or have someone drive you.”


This blog is meant to be shared, to be given out, to be bestowed upon any and ALL women who exemplify what the stiletto represents. If you’ve received this award, here’s what you do:

1. Display your Stiletto Badge of Honor on your sidebar! Wear it with pride… (grab the badge here)

“Heels this high are not meant for clubbing or walking long distances in. They are mainly used for getting from the living room to the bedroom, from the car to the restaurant, or for a short stroll along the catwalk.”

2. BRAG ABOUT IT! -write a post about your award. Include the link to this page so everyone will understand what it’s all about!

3. SAY THANKS! - include a link to the friend who nominated you for the award.

Thank you so much Roo, I am happy I can be an inspiration to you. When I started this blog I thought if I can inspire one person then It will be all worth it :)

4. SHARE THE LOVE! -nominate 5-10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. Include links to them in your post -and- leave them a comment to let them know they are nominated.

1. Drazil

2. Amy W.
9. Janelle

10. Stephanie

5. DO WHAT YOU DO! -keep at it. Keep inspiring and encouraging and sharing your life! We love it and we thank you!!!

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Back to normal life

Hello everybody,

First of all thank you for your support. You are amazing! The last 3 days were very tiring, emotionally, physically, and foodwise.

I have been eating badly because I didn't have the time to cook for myself so was eating what was there for the wake. I was not sure how I would react to having a coffin in my living room as I have never been confronted to that situation but I thought the whole process was a very good thing.

Having so many people in my house for 3 days was very tiring but I am glad I could be there for J and his family. And like his mummy told me I am part of the family now too.

It will take me a while to catch up on all your blogs but I am in work and it is very quiet so might be able to do some of that today.

Thank you Nikki for posting the clothes :) I cant wait to receive them !
Thank you GirlBandit for the Award I can't see yet what it is but will soon :)